My dad’s side of the family gets together yearly on Labor Day Weekend. This year during the planning my aunt asked if I would help MC the banquet. I’m a pen and paper kinda girl and public speaking has always terrified me, however, I was not about to decline. My aunties are pretty awesome so if they ask me to do something I’m (most likely) not going to say no. I know they wouldn’t ask me to do something of which I was not capable. While I was MCing I made a joke about the family tradition of being “Voluntold”. I’ve been “voluntold” by many, but the Auntie “Voluntell” is special.
Being a MilSpouse (military spouse) I’ve heard the term “voluntold” numerous times. Being voluntold is when you are asked to do something that you wouldn’t volunteer for, but you agree to do it either because you want to escape the aversive effects of saying no (i.e. disappointing someone important) or if you don’t really have the option of saying no (i.e. job related or if your wife voluntold you for carpool). Servicemen and women are often “voluntold” to perform duties and assignments. They aren’t always happy about being voluntold, but more times than not the reason the were was because someone may have recognized their capabilities and decided that they needed a push. I know many service members and their families definitely don’t share my opinion.
I have a positive view of being “voluntold” because I have contacted reinforcement after engaging in whatever behavior I was asked to engage in. After I MCed the banquet I received positive feedback (thanks family). I’ve rarely contacted punishers after engaging in a behavior related to being “voluntold”. Being “voluntold” often requires you to be taken out of your comfort zone and allows you to gain confidence and/or discover skills and talents you never would have otherwise.
Now… there is a down side for everything and that is definitely so when it comes to being “voluntold”. Sometimes you discover new skills and talents and sometimes you contact punishers that decrease your likelihood of agreeing to and/or possibly decreases the behavior that you were asked to engage in. Had I received a bunch of negative feedback (again thank you family) I could possibly never engage in public speaking again or maybe I’d never MC an event again. Consequences are important!!! I really think that’s why many people have such a negative perspective regarding being “voluntold” or asked to do something out of their personal norms. A mentalist may say that it’s because of the person’s fear of the unknown. I as a behaviorist, I do know that consequences whether reinforcing or punishing affect behavior.
When I’m working with a client and they are asked to do something non-preferred like read, I take their current abilities into consideration. It’s important that I give them tasks they have the abilities complete and I reinforce those behaviors. That’s exactly what my family does for me. I’m thankful to have wonderful family members who push me to discover and hone skills and use principles of ABA without even knowing it.
With all of that said if you don’t like to be “voluntold” by family members I suggest you use another principle of applied behavior analysis, EXTINCTION. Stop reinforcing their behavior of asking you to do things. How do you do this you may ask. The answer is simple: Just say “No” and keep saying no. Be mindful that an extinction burst may occur, but hold fast to your goal of extinction and keep saying no. If you agree to do something then you’ll have to restart the process (intermittent reinforcement helps sustain behaviors). Eventually your family member will stop asking you to do things.
I’m dedicating this post to my awesome family from coast to coast. A special shout out to all of the aunties who keep us in line and together, especially my own. Shout out to my niece , Amira who turned 17 yesterday and reinforces my “voluntelling” behavior.
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