Two years ago I gave birth to our Jacob Ellison, an amazing baby boy. He was so amazing that he fulfilled God’s purpose for him in just 10 days. I’m extremely proud to be the mother of this angel who in his short time on Earth changed my life in such a substantial way. He gave me so much joy and taught me so many lessons in such a short time. This little baby who showed me my strength on November 10th 2016 coming into this world on his own terms and has continued to motivate me, show me my strength and teach me many lessons over the past 2 years.
Today we celebrate his life and selfishly wish that he were here to celebrate with us. My heart both jumps for joy remembering this beautiful little boy, and hurts at the thought of memories that could have been. Although selfish thoughts flood my head because of the plans I had, I know that God’s plans were way bigger than mine.
Although I mourn, I am so thankful that my sweet beautiful little boy only ever knew love. He will never have to feel the sting of hatred, never have to fear uncertainty and never have to deal with a society that is afraid of his potential and his progression. All he’s EVER known is LOVE and now he’s experiencing the greatest love of all, a love that we can only dream about. A love that mankind isn’t even deserving of…God’s love that comes with the gift of everlasting life.
My belief in God’s and his plan is how I am able to take steps forward each day. This is how I’ve come to find peace even though there are still days that I am angry and in my selfishness, I don’t want to understand… I just want to have my child. Those are the time when I need to be reminded that even though I’m so undeserving that God loves me and that he has given me the opportunity to be with Him and my sweet baby Jacob if I only believe and follow Him.
This isn’t the blog I’d planned to write, but I am continually reminded that my plans are insignificant to the plans of God. I pray that these words are the words that someone is in need of and that my experiences and my journey helps at least one person.
God bless and keep believing! I am mourning and am thankful with you.